I Hear the Secrets That You Keep
by afullmargin
Summary: Gus writes down everything that Shawn talks about in his sleep.


**Notes**: For (LJ)gypsyjr for tracking down a show I really wanted to watch and for being the best RP!Shawn to my RP!Gus. Bringing the cute home for you, babe.

**Disclaimer**: This is a work of fictional parody in no way intended to infringe upon the rights of any individual or corporate entity. Any and all characters or celebrity personae belong to their rightful owners. Absolutely no money has or will be gained from this work. Please do not publicly link, repost or redistribute without letting me know first.

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><p>Sharing a room with Shawn was never a problem. Even when they were little Gus had found it almost startlingly easy to share a room – and yeah, sometimes a bed, but not like people wanted to think - as long as Shawn was sleeping. It was the only time Gus ever saw him completely still, absolutely blissfully still, save for the flutter of eyelashes as he entered deep sleep. At first he would be spread out across the bed on his belly or back (wherever he happened to fall), limbs skewed every possible direction – claiming the mattress for his own against any intruder dumb enough to stumble into his clutches. Then slowly, as the night progressed he'd draw his arms and knees in closer until he was curled up like a comma, knees tucked against his stomach and arms angled against his body and folded. Under a blanket or not, didn't make a difference, Gus liked to think it was because he was protecting himself from nightmares.<p>

Not that he liked to think that Shawn had bad dreams; he'd much prefer that nobody ever did, but Shawn did have them. When he slept it was like having a window into that secret Shawn that wore everything serious he'd avoided or ignored during the day, with his fingers grasping tightly at a blanket or pillow – or sometimes even handfuls of Gus' clothing, he'd mutter and murmur things that had little meaning to anyone but himself.

Gus had started keeping track when he they were young, the first date on first log (the back half of a composition book from the previous school year) was July 5th, 1985 – he hadn't written down any other information but that particular time he doesn't need to… he remembers it well. Henry had, in an uncharacteristically charitable moment, taken them to see _Back To The Future_ and then out for pizza and by the time they unrolled their matching sleeping bags Shawn was pretty much ready to drop. But Gus couldn't sleep, so he did the same thing he always did when he couldn't sleep and read.

Late, or maybe it just seemed late when he was eight, that night Shawn was curled up when he started mumbling. "I don't want to go." He'd whined.

The tone confused Gus, he'd heard Shawn whine before – but usually it was just to get out of something… this was something new. "Shawn?" He didn't reply, and Gus put down his book to ask; "Are you okay?"

Nothing. Nothing else that night at all. The next morning he asked about it and Shawn had blown him off with a mouthful of waffles.

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><p>Now, forever later it seemed, Gus had a system for writing down what he heard – but then, it was more or less a curiosity. He'd gone home, written it down with a date and a question mark beside it in green ink. After a couple years, he'd filled the first book with his small print and then purchased a Mr. T spiral notebook. His technique refined, he started taking more notes; date, time, tone of voice (memorable descriptions include "sounded like Mr. Feeny" and "his <em>Full House<em> voice"), anything that had happened that might maybe mean something. Mr T filled up and then it was _ALF_, _Thundercats_ (which was really an old one Gus had put away and wasn't allowed to use because he got the last one and Shawn didn't), _Beverly Hills 90210_ (two of those, one from 1990-92 and the next 92-93… they spent a lot of nights together in those years) ¸and then Summer 1993 it was a plain black spiral notebook – upgraded to a five subject.

Those were the not-so-good years. His sleep-talk had gone from funny or sometimes sort of scary phrases to full out nightmares with no visual and only actor. Most of it was, predictably, about his mother. It was about that time that Gus started to analyze them a little deeper, what it may be about – where they came from and what Shawn is dreaming of. It probably wasn't a good idea in retrospect.

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><p>Now, he stays up on purpose when Shawn crashes at his place just to hear what he has to say. Over the years he's figured out a lot of things before he was told, and some things he thinks he may not ever be told. He knows that Shawn didn't have such a great time while he was out 'finding himself', and that he forgave his Mom for the divorce but still kind of hated his Dad for letting her go. He knew that Shawn was interested in Juliet from the day the met.<p>

The entries stop until he comes back to Santa Barbara – supposedly to stay, but this is Shawn so even Gus can't really be sure. When they start back up, there are several in a row when Shawn is staying with him, and then they go back to their ebb and flow.

He'd figured out by then that a lot of the question marks were about him… including the ones that sounded really dirty. That summer alone he sleep confessed that he wanted to run away to Mexico together, proposed marriage, proposed a threesome (with Juliet no less), and even suggested buying a house in the suburbs where they could 'be safe'.

It was starting to get a bit much, really.

Gus didn't bring it up because the things a man says in his sleep are like a special kind of secret, things he might not even know about himself. In the end it's better to keep them that way until they're ready for the light of day – if they ever are.

His page is marked in the middle of a _Transformers_ notebook as he sits awake on the opposite side of the bed.

Feb 16, 11:30a – "No, no… the lemon did it." Desk, leaning backward in chair. Boring day, no cases in a while.

Feb 16 10:18p – "Sasquatch is in the pharmacy!" On couch, watching _Harry and the Hendersons_. Bigfoot dreams.

Feb 16 11:58p – "Hold me." In my bed, lady-voice. Directed at me? Held him. Happy. Right back to sleep.

Feb 22 10:26p – "Full taco bar." In my bed. Hungry?

Feb 26 12:46a – "Can I be Boy George?" In my bed. Uh…

March 5th 10:22p – "Blow-job time?" At desk, lying on desk. Pretty sure I know this.

March 6th 2:15a – "Please." In my bed. Repeated several times.

March 9th 6:22a – "Sexy time?" In my bed. I wish. Long day, weird case.

Below the last entry in Shawn's somewhat less meticulous scrawl;

**March 9****th**** 6:23a – "Enough writing, come on! I've been practically begging you for years…"**

He's gonna need another five-subject if this whole bed sharing thing is going to be more frequent.


End file.
